My oneliners--Bouquets and Brickbats invited--Volume 1

Most of these are from FB status updates, emails I have sent to friends

1.) Someone asked me my birthday but you know, in this era of gender equality, if I can twist that one-liner , I would say "Never ask a man about his age and a woman about her salary":-)

2.)Finally started cleaning the room...whenever used to be fed up with the room's bad state in the last 3.5 months here , I used to go for long nap , wishing things would be a little different when I get up...but now have accepted the finality of Newton's First Law of Motion, "Things at rest remain at rest unless acted upon by external unbalanced force" and NO! mental force doesn't count :-)

3.)Me - "With a quiz happening daily, I get an empty feeling if I don't have a quiz after the lunch.It seems the whole purpose of my life is to rush through my lunch at 1:30 PM to revise quiz portions for the 2:30 PM.Will my life lose its meaning after today afternoon with no quizzes in sight?"
Wise,Bearded Sage(tries to look pensive and sound intelligent)-"Ahem,Ahem!! Just wait for the announcement of next quizzes of FM and OM.My son, you'll find new meaning.And then Mid Term.Next round of quizzes.End Term"
Me-"Baba, this is your Spiritual Consulting fee"

4.) I wrote the following when promo of Rocket Singh came

The most awaited film of the year "Rocket Sing Salesman Of The Year" Shimit Amin's 3rd film after Ab Tak Chhappan and Chak De India Writer is Jaidep Sahani (lyricist of Chak De and RNBDJ) Ranbeer Kapoor in a Sardar's role..
fave dialogues from Rocket Singh promo
"Kucch log bade lucky hote hain saale. They get 90%, go to IIT, IIM, AIIMS. lekin Rocket Singh Salesman Of The Year un boring(:-)?) bando ke baare mein nahin hai. baakiyon ke baare meinhai. Aapke aur mere baare mein.49.6%, 40.2%, 37% with grace marks.."
"Kyonki life maachis se nahin chalti boss,life heartbeat se chalti hai"
"So film coming up..11 December..Hum bech rahe hain..aap kharid rahe hain" :-)

5.)A joke from my Macro Economics notebook (Credit to Sir) "What is the politically correct term which Economists employ when they want to call someone 'kanjoos'? His Marginal Propensity to Save (MPS) is higher than others" :-)

6.)2 days back

"Aaajkal tum apna room band kyon rakhte ho?"
"Main exam time mein Open Door Policy follow nahin karta"

7.)Contexual joke KGP 1st year

Miss World competition or something like that was there..and models were getting scores of 9.3, 9.2, 9.8 out of 10 ...
"Inka CGPA hai kya yeh" :-)

Following two are from marriage invitation emails

8.)Belying all my hopes of preserving the bachelorhood status till the third decade of my life and refuting my doubts about whether any girl would agree to spend the rest of her life with me, this girl has done the unthinkable. She has actually agreed to marry me. NO NO ! I didn't have to hold the gun to her head to elicit an aye from her (though , between you and me, I was prepared for that eventuality too , you know, just in case :-))

9.)The only FDA-approved remedy for that pain which you feel when you skip one of your friend's wedding is to actually attend it. :-)
Attendance is compulsory.
Genuine excuses of absence like attending some other friend's wedding at a temporally proximate but geographically distant coordinate will be considered on a case by case basis. :-)

On slowdown/recession, from one of my email

10.)I thought this slowdown has not touched my company until they started giving us bananas instead of apples in the morning canteen :-)